What do you do when you just went through a bitter divorce and now you find yourself on the single scene once again??
Where do you start?
How do you meet women again?
Do you know how to properly approach beautiful women? Sometimes, it appears that the times have drastically changed since you were last single. How do you begin anew?
In my line of work, I get all sorts of clients and inevitably some of the men are divorced guys looking to work the single scenes, except they have no idea where to begin. It's been a quite a while since they hit the bar scene with the fellas and approached girls and now, what perhaps used to be second nature, feels a bit foreign.
It seems as if the times have changed so much. Perhaps they never great at attracting women and they feel like they lucked out with that one girl they married, and now she is gone. Oh, what will they do now??
Now, I have to be honest with you. I have never been divorced. Then again, that may be because I have never been married either. My job is to help guys from all walks of life meet women, build attraction, and have a successful dating life. My job is to help men attract women. Whether you plan to get married again or not is none of my business.
If you have been out of the scene for a while, you need to become acclimated into the single scene once again.
Now, I am going to lay out a specific 10 Step program to enable you to effectively join the single scene again and start attracting more women.
***STEP 1- Attitude readjustment***
It all starts with your ATTITUDE. This is the first step!
You have to make a decision. I can give you all sorts of dating advice but it won't do you any good until you decide that you want to get this part of your life handled.
So you have a choice: You can either sit there, bitch and complain about how the times have changed, about how it's been so long since you have done the single thing, and what a shame it is, OR you can make a decision NOW to attract a great woman (women) in your life. If you are reading through this article, perhaps you have already made this decision!
This is a time to celebrate your freedom! Chances are if you were married for 15 or 20 years, you were institutionalized, sort of like the character of "Brooks" from the classic movie "The Shawshank Redemption." If you've seen the movie, you know exactly what I am talking about. "Brooks" from Shawshank wanted to choose staying in a sadistic and brutal prison rather than celebrate a freedom that came with uncertainty.
When you were married, things made sense even if the circumstances were atrocious. Now, things suddenly do not make sense and this is a scary feeling.
You must realize that this is a temporary state, and it will pass. You're not the first man to become divorced, nor are you the last.
In fact 60% of marriages end up in a divorce in some parts of the country so you're in pretty good company.
Adjust your attitude. Start to realize that you have just opened the door to a world of new possibilities. Celebrate your new found freedom and the door that has just been opened to new possibilities.
***STEP 2- Burn your old clothes. Time for a makeover***
Look, I know it's possible that you were already a sharp dresser. Anything is possible!! We live in a country that lets Geraldo on TV! In my experience, however, most men have no clue how to dress properly and when it comes to married men, forget about it.
In my experience, most married men I meet, have settled into a comfort zone where the sweatshirt over plain pants look has become their calling card. If you are back on the single scene, it'd help if you started to once again take care of your appearance. It's time to a grab a few new outfits, a pair of new shoes, and do some grooming.
I understand how basic this sounds but you may be astounded as to how many guys I come across who fail their basic grooming. Just make sure your hair (don't care if it's completely shaved or in a pompadour,) your beard/goatee, looks like it's been cared for.
Good Breath is on top of this list. The problem is most people including many of your buddies won't tell you that you have bad breath. They'll just run away. Our first step is to make certain that we are taking care of the basics.
Change the way you dress, start grooming, and look presentable. Look like you're in demand and that you know it!
***STEP 3- Start Approaching***
Make an effort to approach more women and grow your social circle. You have to start socializing more with women as well as more men. Most married couples hang out with other married couples, talk about babies, fight over bills, and watch reruns of Law & Order.
It's needless to say that regardless of the conversational topics, this particular social circle isn't going to introduce you to as many single women as you'd like to meet. Hence, it'd be very wise to start creating new social circles that include single people, or at the very least, people in relationships who are still in touch with the single world.
You must realize that this takes some effort on your part. You ought to start initiating conversations with more women everywhere you go. Most people immediately think of going to bars and clubs. Depending on your age, taste, likes and dislikes, you may not be a bar/club guy. That's certainly understandable.
You can still make an effort to approach women during your daily activities which could range from supermarket and coffee-shops to various classes, clubs, and the gym.
You also may want to give online personals a try. I'd only advise you to utilize the personals as a supplemental means to meet women, not as your only means to meet new women.
***STEP 4- Start exercising again***
I am being a bit presumptuous here. If you're doing it already, that's fantastic. Most married guys start growing horizontally. Exercise will make you FEEL better physically, emotionally, and mentally. It will also boost your self-confidence which is of the utmost importance! Plus if you join a gym, you will meet new people, females as well as males. (Not to mention that it will improve your physical appearance.)
This is not a ploy to pick up women. You'll feel better because of it!
***STEP 5- Establishing New networks***
Look to create a network of single friends who really enjoy going out and meeting women. Nothing would probably encourage you more to actually enjoy going out and meeting women more than surrounding yourself with a few guys who like to have a good time and socialize.
Hanging with introverts who want to sit home and maybe play a card game or two is not going to help you meet more women. If you are going to hang with guys like that, then make sure you balance it with hanging with a few animals who want to hit the outdoor life.
OK, we are half way there. Part 2 of this article covers the next 5 steps that will enable you to attract desirable women. Please continue to the next section.
Wishing you the best,
Cameron Teone
Copyright (c) 2007 Cameron Teone
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